Sometimes the perfect word doesn’t yet exist to fully describe a certain phenomenon. For example, the cognitive scientist and philosopher Dr. Daniel Dennett coined the term “deepity” to explain something that sounds intelligent and deeply meaningful on the surface, but is actually really, really, really, um… not. One such deepity he suggests is the phrase, “There is no ‘I’ in team!” Yup. That’s true. So what? There isn’t a “we” or “us” either, Dennett points out, but if you reconfigure the letters, there is a “me” in team! (Now please head over to Facebook where you’ll be able to apply the term deepity to every second posting.)
The term deepity fills a much-needed void, which got me thinking in a deepity kind of way, that there are perhaps terms missing or terms that need re-imagining in the meeting industry lexicon. You’re welcome.
Meetiness: The degree to which a venue suits a meeting function. For example, a spacious, well lit room with great sound and clear sight lines would have a high degree of meetiness, whereas Joe’s Opossum Bar n’ Grill, not so much.
Meatiness: The degree to which the carnivorous meeting attendees will be pleased with the dinner buffet.
Elevator Speech: The awkward conversation you make on the way to your hotel room with people you sort of know you’re supposed to know but don’t really know but you’re stuck with them now in an awkwardly confined space and feeling extremely gassy after sitting all day. Classic elevator speeches include, “Fourth floor, lingerie,” “Nice shoes,” and “Hey.”
Pillar Neck: The painful neck strain meeting participants experience trying to see the speaker around one of the many strategically placed pillars in a meeting room.
Pillar Envy: When a speaker is so coma-inducing, meeting participants wish they were seated behind one of the strategically placed pillars in a meeting room.
Pillar Face: One of the many dangers associated with walking while texting during meetings.
Pillarity: What jokes about meeting room pillars create.
Participhobia: The fear of being forced to participate in a speaker’s stupid interactive exercise.
Meeting Panner: 1. Someone who hates meetings. 2. A meeting planner who can’t pronounce their “ls”.
Meet and Avoid: Like your typical meet and greet function, but for introverts.
Assimilate: To take in information or ideas while sitting on your ass all day. And no, I don’t mean donkey. And yes, this is a crazy way to learn anything.
Wood Panelling: A really boring panel discussion.
Table centerpiece: The obnoxious guy at your table who won’t stop talking.
Ed Talk: Like a Ted talk, only 1/3 shorter.
Ted-X Talk: What happens when Ted has one too many drinks at the open bar.
Podium: When spoken slowly, how meeting participants from the deep south bill their travel expenses.
FlowerPoint: A PowerPoint™ presentation that’s all style, no substance.
ShowerPoint: A PowerPoint presentation that drowns participants with too much text.
SourPoint: A really depressing PowerPoint presentation delivered by a bitter speaker.
HourPoint: A PowerPoint presentation that takes an hour to make a point.
Geaker: 1. A guest speaker. 2. A speaker who speaks on technology.
Motivational Speaker: A speaker who specializes in deepities, including phrases such as: “The universe wants you to want what you want,” “You can be anything you want…as long as it’s not a bird,” “You can get what you want from the universe as long as you are in cosmic alignment with your soul’s quantum purpose and fueled by the quantum passion of a thousand starlit pixies,” and, well… pretty much any sentence that includes the words “universe,” “quantum,” or “pixies.”
Michael Kerr is a very funny Hall of Fame motivational business speaker and the author of six books, including The Humor Advantage. www.mikekerr.com
“Just wanted to say “WOW!” Our group has had many speakers over the years, but none the likes of Mike Kerr.”
Richard Dansereau, President, NAPA Autopro BDG
“Michael Kerr is one of the best speakers I have seen. I highly recommend him!”
Veronica D. Bouvier, Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer, Aspen Properties Ltd.
“Mike held the full attention of our senior management team for a full FOUR hour
presentation – no small accomplishment!”
Martine Rothblatt, CEO, United Therapeutics
“Our participants rated you as the speaker with the highest quality and relevance.”
Lana J. Larocque, Alberta Human Resources