How to Go Beyond Just Asking Employees, “Are You OK?”
There has been an explosion of mental heath awareness in recent years and a greater understanding that we need to intentionally work to de-stigmatize mental health issues, create psychological safety for employees so they can open up and ask for when they need it, and allow employees to know that sometimes it’s OK to not be OK. Here are some simple tips on how to go beyond just the superficial question, “Are you OK?”
Go Beyond “Are You OK?”
So I have a question for you: “Are you okay? Are you doing okay now?”
Have you ever had one of those bosses who whips by you on a Monday morning at 8,000 miles an hour, glances over, gives you maybe a little bit of a wink or one of these, “How you doing, Joe?” And whips buy you, right? And of course, you say, “Oh, all things are good over here. Yeah. You betcha. All systems go,” because you got the sense that they’re not really interested in a response beyond, “Everything’s good.”
And we often do that with one another, right? We just say, “Hey you okay? How are you doing?” We just want to nice polite smile, the cursory nod, and so we can move on with our day. But if you are genuinely interested in knowing how your colleagues or how your employees are doing, or how your bosses are doing for that matter, if you’re undergoing a lot of stress in your workplace, a lot of change in your workplace, and you’re genuinely interested in the answer, then I have a few suggestions for you.
The first one being ask the question, but wait for the answer. Really wait for the answer. Let it sit, let it settle for a moment. And indicate to the person you’re not in any rush, you’re not going anywhere, you’re not looking at your smartphone. Focus on the person. Be present and actually show that you’re waiting for a real response.
Another thing you can do is ask the question again, and this may sound dirt simple, but add the word really. “Are you really doing okay?” Because sometimes people just need that extra nudge to know that you’re going beyond the superficial cursory polite question that we all have become accustomed to. “Are you really doing okay?” And again, wait for an answer.
Another tactic is to ask the question, “Are you doing okay today?” And simply adding the word today sometimes is all it takes for people to open up a little bit more and say, “Today, not so well, not so much.” So then you have a chance to say, “Okay, talk to me. Let’s go grab a coffee. What’s going on?”
Another great approach is to change the question, and that often is all it takes to get a better, more detailed response. So for example, “Hey, Susan. How are you doing? On a scale of 1 to 10, how are you doing this morning?” Or, “If your day or your week was a movie title, TV series title or a song title, what comes to mind right now?” And that sometimes can lead to a more truthful answer. Or ask, “Are you doing okay?” But then follow up with, “What would make this day go better for you?”
And finally, another great question to ask is just ask, “Is there anything I can do to support you today? Anything at all, please let me know.” And then be specific, actually suggest some ways that you can support them. Because sometimes people don’t know what they don’t know, they don’t even know what it is you might be able to offer support around. So offer some specific suggestions for how you can support them.
So what about you? What questions do you ask to peel back the onion, if you will, to get a more genuine, truthful response from somebody when you want to know how they’re really doing? Please leave a comment in the comment box. And if you haven’t yet subscribed to the Inspiring Workplaces channel, please hit the subscribe button, join our growing community as we talk about workplaces that rock.
Michael Kerr is a Hall of Fame speaker who speaks on workplace culture and humor in the workplace. He is the author of 8 books, including, The Jerk-Free Workplace and The Humor Advantage.
