How to Receive Workplace Feedback Like a Pro
The following is an excerpt from my best-selling, soon-to-be-made-into-a-major-motion-picture book, The Jerk-Free Workplace: How You Can Take the Lead to Create a Happier, More Inspiring Workplace.
Okay, what if someone approaches you to offer up some constructive feedback, or have an uncomfortable conversation that you’re the subject of?
As I’ve said, real leaders don’t shy away from feedback, in fact they actively seek it out because they have a growth mindset. They want to improve how they do their jobs. Or they want to know if they are doing something that annoys the heck out of everyone because they care about how their actions might be impacting other people.
This isn’t to say leaders always enjoy getting feedback. Everyone loves hearing praise, but few people are dying to hear anything negative. So, know that it’s normal to feel uncomfortable, but also know that the more you offer feedback, ask for feedback, and listen to feedback, the easier it becomes.
Here are a few tips on how to accept feedback like a true leader at work.
- Be proactive and ask for feedback. The more you set the stage and set the tone, the more in control of the conversation you will feel. Don’t be shy about setting parameters – what exactly do you want feedback on? Be specific and limit the scope so the person understands this isn’t the time to critique your love of 80s fashion.
- If someone approaches you with an invitation to offer you feedback, you don’t have to say “yes!” At least not right away. If you’ve just finished doing a presentation to your team and someone pounces on you seconds afterwards, you have every right to thank them, but let them know that now isn’t the best time. Schedule a time and place where you know you’ll be more receptive to hearing their feedback.
Similarly, in any situation where emotions might be running high, never dive into a feedback conversation immediately. You need some time to process things yourself, and, in many situations, our own internal voices are probably doing a stellar job of critiquing ourselves before other voices chime in.
- Acknowledge that the person offering you feedback is feeling just as uncomfortable as you are, in fact, they often feel more nervous than you! Just think about how much you avoid difficult conversations. They are in that very same boat approaching you, no matter how adorable and likeable you think you are. So, make them feel comfortable. Thank them – yes, thank them – for taking the time and caring enough to give you some constructive feedback. Always assume they have the best intentions in mind.
- Listen without judgment. This is ridiculously hard to do – I know! It is human nature to get your back up and unleash your inner defense attorney so you can start cross-examining the witness and shred their ridiculous evidence to pieces. But please don’t.
Know going in that your emotions might get in the way of you openly listening. Try your best (that’s all you can do after all) to not get emotional. Stay in a mindset of curiosity, open-mindedness, and, yes, compassion for the other person who is struggling as well.
This means you need to listen, as much as possible, without interruption. Let the person finish their thoughts. Practice active listening where you listen to understand, as opposed to what we typically do when we listen – wait our turn to counter everything the person has just said.
- Ask clarifying questions. Waiting and listening doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t ask questions. Asking clarifying questions shows you’re open to the feedback and that you want to really understand what the person is saying. Ask for specific examples when necessary. Ask for their suggestions on how they would do things differently in the future – remember, you want to keep the conversation future-focused.
- Repeat back what you’re hearing. Paraphrasing what the person has told you is an important part of active listening; it’s especially crucial when it involves receiving feedback. As with asking clarifying questions, this helps you better understand the person’s perspective and demonstrates you really are taking everything to heart.
- Thank the person. Especially when it was a tough conversation. Thanking them is the classy and respectful thing to do. Thanking them speaks volumes about your capacity as a leader.
- Follow up. Take a break if you need to digest what’s been said to you and offer to meet back later in the day or even the next day. Even if you don’t feel you need a break to let things settle, you may want to schedule a follow-up conversation, especially if it’s a larger issue, so you can talk through how you feel about their feedback, raise any questions or ideas that surfaced, or talk about what steps you’ve taken to work on the issue.
- Finally, know that not all feedback is valid. I don’t want to undo all the great suggestions I’ve just outlined, because it’s easy to default to this mindset by assuming that all your coworkers are jerks and, therefore, they have nothing to offer you! You need to openly accept everyone’s feedback and be brave enough to ask yourself, “What if they’re right?”
You also need to suspend judgment when the person giving you the feedback is someone you don’t have a lot of time for, because maybe, just maybe, even though they are wrong about a lot of things at work, they’re right about this.
But, maybe they’re not right about this. Perhaps some of the feedback is very valid, as difficult as it was to hear, but other parts of it, not so much. Or maybe the degree of their concern was overblown because they were having a crappy day and they took it out on you.
Ultimately, you need to embrace a growth mindset, to listen to all the feedback with an open mind, while knowing that you are still in the driver’s seat when it comes to what you accept and what you don’t accept.
Michael Kerr is a Hall of Fame Speaker who speaks on workplace culture, leadership, and humor in the workplace. Michael is also the author of 8 books, Including, The Jerk-Free Workplace and The Humor Advantage: Why Some Businesses are Laughing All the Way to the Bank.
