Workplace Culture Leadership: It’s About Being Compassionate and Kind, But Not Necessarily Nice
The following is an excerpt from my book, “Small Moments, Big Outcomes: How Leaders Create Cultures That Fuel Extraordinary Results.”
It’s About People, Not “Stuff!”
A study published in Harvard Business Review by Emma Seppala and Kim Cameron delved into the question, “What is the greatest predictor of success for a leader?”
The study revealed that it was not their power, charisma, influence, attractiveness, or innovative genius that most predicted future success. It was simply their energy.
Now they’re not talking about energy in a “woo-woo” new age way, but rather something they referred to as “positive relational energy”: The energy exchanged between people that uplifts, enthuses, and renews them.
The most effective leaders were, to use the language of the study authors, “positive energizers.” These leaders not only lifted others and their entire organization up; they also lifted themselves up through authentic leadership that embraced humility, compassion, forgiveness, kindness, honesty, integrity, trust, generosity, gratitude, and recognition.
Here’s the simple litmus test: Does interacting with you leave your employees feeling more energized, or does it deplete their energy? Are employees happier to see you come into a room or happier to see you leave the room?
The impact of positive energizers in the study was enormous: Employees are far more engaged; there’s improved innovation, teamwork, and collaboration; greater job satisfaction; better performance; and even improved relationships with their family members.
When I’ve done my own surveys as to what drives employees bonkers about their bosses, it’s so often the small things, because, again, there are no small moments:
- They don’t say good morning when they walk by my desk.
- They didn’t ask about how my dog’s surgery went even though they knew I was stressed about it.
- They always seem too busy to really be present with me.
- Their emails always feel impersonal and rushed.
- They don’t say thank you.
These are the small moments that may seem trivial, but they matter – more than you may realize.
Consider the smallest of gestures such as a morning greeting at the start of each day. I have a client who shared with me how their manager would walk around the office saying “good morning” to each of her 20 employees at the start of every day. This simple act had a profound impact on everyone’s mood in the office for the rest of the day.
A More Compassionate Workplace
A Johns Hopkins study, in fact, found that giving just 40 seconds of compassion can lower another person’s anxiety and create a sense of connection in a measurable way. That’s all it takes to make a difference – 40 seconds!
The study Leading with Compassion Has Research-Backed Benefits outlines how injecting more compassion into your workplace can make an enormous difference. The researchers found that the number one reason people leave organizations rarely has anything to do with economics and everything to do with relationships, particularly the one with their boss.
Employees’ decisions to stay in a job largely come from a sense of belonging, feeling valued by their leaders, and having caring and trusting colleagues. And the most effective way to foster this type of workplace is to infuse it with genuine compassion, which the research defines as being one step beyond empathy. Compassion, the authors stress, is empathy combined with action. You need to do something beyond just empathizing with an employee to demonstrate real compassion.
Here’s the payout: The researchers found that a more compassionate workplace leads to deeper relationships, happier employees, reduced burnout, higher employee retention rates, and an increased likelihood of getting promoted. There are also significant links to better health, and not just for people on the receiving end. People who act compassionately without any expectation of something being returned to them, reap the health benefits, and even live longer.
One company takes their potential leadership candidates out to lunch as part of the hiring process. Why? They have this theory that relates directly to all of this, the belief that how a candidate interacts with dogs, children, and wait staff is a great indicator as to what type of person they are. Really, they’re doing this to assess whether this candidate is a good human or not – a compassionate and kind human.
It’s About Being Kind, But Not Necessarily Nice
Before I leave this all-important trait, I want to address an issue that arises in my leadership workshops, the belief that showing kindness or being compassionate can be mistaken for weakness as a leader. This myth needs to die.
Showing compassion is a strength, full stop. Demonstrating kindness is the hallmark of a strong, confident leader who understands people and what it takes to inspire others.
And while this is about being compassionate, empathetic, and kind to the people you lead, it is not about being overly nice. There is a fundamental difference between being kind versus being nice.
In fact, there are dangers in creating a workplace culture that is too nice, including:
- The risk of group think where everyone just goes along to get along because everyone is too conflict-averse and afraid to speak up;
- Not being able to say ‘no’ to anyone;
- Becoming too much of a people-pleaser;
- Not holding employees accountable;
- Employees never hearing uncomfortable truths that they need to hear;
- Employees seeing you more as a friend than a leader.
Speaking up when it’s difficult to do so, holding employees accountable, and sharing honest feedback with compassion is, in fact, the kindest thing you can do as a leader. Not holding employees accountable and not offering constructive feedback does a disservice to your star employees that are pulling their weight and to the employees who deserve to hear the truth from you!
So, let’s sum this section up, shall we? We shall!
Be a good human first and foremost and much of everything else will fall into place.
Be extra human. (Extra humans are the best.)
Be more real.
Know that it’s okay to be vulnerable.
Embrace your imperfections: No one expects you to be perfect.
Lead with humility – your job isn’t to have all the answers, it’s to help your employees find the answers together.
Lead with laughter and with a spirit of fun.
Lead from the from the heart with compassion and you can’t help but have a deeply profound impact on the people around you and leave behind a memorable legacy.
Michael Kerr is a Canadian Hall of Fame Speaker who speaks and writes about inspiring workplace cultures and inspiring leadership. He is the author of 9 books, including, “The Humor Advantage: Why Some Businesses Are Laughing All the Way to the Bank,” “The Jerk-Free Workplace: How You Can Take the Lead to Create a Happier, More Inspiring Workplace,” and “Small Moments, Big Outcomes: How Leaders Create Cultures That Fuel Extraordinary Results
