Compassionate and Kind Leadership Drives Results

Aug 27, 2024

I’ve always thought that the sitcom The Office should be mandatory viewing for senior leaders to remind themselves of the importance of character and of how not to lead. After all, as Groucho Marx once said, “We should learn from the mistakes of others. We don’t have time to make them all ourselves.”

Speaking of The Office (I’m so glad you brought it up), in the book, The Office: The Untold Story of the Greatest Sitcom of the 2000s, author Andy Greene reveals one of the secrets to Steve Carell’s success as the lead star on the sitcom. Are you ready?

He was kind!

Making the Small Moments Count

One of the recurring themes in the book is how genuinely loved and respected Steve Carell was throughout his stint playing the hapless boss Michael Scott. Carell was a consummate professional in everything he did. He was courteous. Respectful. Generous. He never said a bad word about anyone. He helped the crew unload equipment from the van. He put others at ease. He was playful. He brought his sense of humor along for the ride. He didn’t want to be the only funny one – he wanted everyone to be funny. Colleague after colleague described him as a true class act and perhaps the kindest person they had ever worked with in their entire career.

Given his status and exhausting schedule he could have been a major league jerk. But Carell chose (and let’s remember, it’s a choice you make every day) to be thoughtful and kind. And because he was so kind and so respected, he built up a huge supply of goodwill capital. His colleagues always supported him when he needed a big favor, such as taking a mid-season hiatus to star in a movie.

He made the choice to be kind every day to everyone he interacted with and, by doing so, Steve Carell left behind a lasting, positive legacy.

So, what choice are you making every day at work? If someone wrote a book about your workplace sitcom, what would your supporting cast say about you?

Leadership must be earned, the way Steve Carrell earned it. It’s not the title on your business card that makes you a leader, it’s your character. It’s who you’re consistently being and how you live your values out loud, so they become evident to the people around you.

It’s about People, Not Stuff!

“When I talk to managers, I get the feeling they’re important. When I talk with leaders, I get the feeling I’m important.” Alexander den Heijer

Whenever you’re focused on “stuff” chances are you’re doing the work of a manager. By “stuff,” I mean preparing budgets, doing paperwork, and writing reports. You know, stuff. Not that those activities can’t be informed by your role as a leader, but it’s difficult to lead a file, and, conversely, people hate being managed.

If you’re married, have you ever tried managing your spouse? How did that turn out for you? Was the couch as uncomfortable as you feared it might be?

When you wear your leadership toque (I’m Canadian so it’s usually a toque) it’s essential to return to that overarching principle of “leaders leading leaders.” Your role as a leader is to positively influence the people around you towards a particular direction. The essence of your job is to connect with people at a human level and to understand their hopes, fears, and dreams, and to play the role of coach, cheerleader, cajoler, and mentor all rolled into one.

Every time you interact with an employee you have an opportunity to flex your leadership muscles. I say this not so that you obsessively overthink and overanalyze every word you say, but to remind you that leadership, and, by extension, inspiring cultures are created through the consistent day-to-day small interactions and moments.

In other words, there are no small moments at work.

And as simplistic as this may sound, at the heart of this is simply being a decent human being and, well, not being a jerk!

At the heart of leadership is simply being a decent human being and, well, not being a jerk!

Research published in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology found that when employees had negative interactions with their boss, their blood pressure would go up, and that increase would often last well after the employees had gone home. Sometimes, just the presence of their boss was enough to cause a bump in their blood pressure. Now I don’t know about you, but I would feel horrible knowing that just my presence was causing people’s blood pressure to spike!

Ponder this as well. Thirty-three percent of employees in a survey cited in Forbes magazine said they dread having a one-on-one conversation with their boss. So, when you tell your employees you have an “open door” policy, remember that it’s never about the door!

On the flip side, when employees rate which qualities make the best leaders they’ve ever worked for, numerous surveys suggest that it comes down to this, “My leader demonstrates that they care about me as a real human being who has an existence outside of work.”

And none of this is rocket science or should require special training or skills! I would hope you don’t need a master’s degree in how not to be a jerk, or special training on how to show compassion.

A study published in Harvard Business Review by Emma Seppala and Kim Cameron delved into the question, “What is the greatest predictor of success for a leader?”

The study revealed that it was not their power, charisma, influence, attractiveness, or innovative genius that most predicted future success. It was simply their energy.

Now they’re not talking about energy in a “woo-woo” new age way, but rather something they referred to as “positive relational energy” – the energy exchanged between people that uplifts, enthuses, and renews them.

The most effective leaders were, to use the language of the study authors, “positive energizers.” These leaders not only lifted others and their entire organization up, they also lifted themselves up through authentic leadership that embraced humility, compassion, forgiveness, kindness, honesty, integrity, trust, generosity, gratitude, and recognition’

Here’s the simple litmus test. Does interacting with you leave your employees feeling more energized, or does it deplete their energy? Are employees happier to see you come into a room or happier to see you leave the room?

The impact of positive energizers in the study was enormous: employees are far more engaged; there’s improved innovation, teamwork, and collaboration; greater job satisfaction; better performance; and even improved relationships with their family members.

The Small Things Matter!

Conversely, when I’ve done surveys as to what drives employees bonkers about their bosses, it’s so often the small things, because, again, there are no small moments.

They don’t say good morning when they walk by my desk.
They didn’t ask about how my dog’s surgery went even though they knew I was stressed about it.
They always seem too busy to really be present with me.
Their emails always feel impersonal and rushed.
They don’t say thank you.

These are the small moments that may seem trivial, but they matter – more than you may realize.

Consider the smallest of gestures such as a morning greeting at the start of each day. I have a client who shared with me how their manager would walk around the office saying “good morning” to each of her 20 employees at the start of every day. This simple act had a profound impact on everyone’s mood in the office for the rest of the day.

A Johns Hopkins study, in fact, found that giving just 40 seconds of compassion can lower another person’s anxiety and create a sense of connection in a measurable way. That’s all it takes to make a difference – 40 seconds!

The study, Leading with Compassion Has Research-Backed Benefits, outlines how injecting more compassion into your workplace can make an enormous difference. The researchers found that the number one reason people leave organizations rarely has anything to do with economics and everything to do with relationships, particularly the one with their boss.

Employees’ decisions to stay in a job largely come from a sense of belonging, feeling valued by their leaders, and having caring and trusting colleagues. The most effective way to foster this type of workplace is to infuse it with genuine compassion, which the research defines as being one step beyond empathy. Compassion, the authors stress, is empathy combined with action. You need to do something beyond just empathizing with an employee to demonstrate real compassion.

Here’s the payout. The researchers found that a more compassionate workplace leads to deeper relationships, happier employees, reduced burnout, higher employee retention rates, and an increased likelihood of getting promoted. There are also significant links to better health, and not just for people on the receiving end. People who act compassionately without any expectation of something being returned to them, reap the health benefits, even living longer.

One company takes their potential leadership candidates out to lunch as part of the hiring process. Why? They have this theory that relates directly to all of this. They believe that how a candidate interacts with dogs, children, and wait staff is a great indicator as to what type of person they are. Really, they’re doing this to assess whether this candidate is a good human or not – a compassionate and kind human.

*The above is an excerpt from Michael’s latest book, “Small Moments, Big Outcomes: How Leaders Create Cultures That Fuel Extraordinary Results”