The Impact of Difficult and Toxic Bosses on Workplace Culture
Do you work with a toxic boss or difficult manager? The impact of toxic and difficult bosses on workplace culture is enormous and is absolutely costing your workplace way more than what you think. And if you’re an employee working for a difficult or toxic boss, well, that’s about as challenging as it can get. For this episode of Five Minutes With I sat down with Dr. Laura Hambley-Lovett to chat about strategies for dealing with difficult bosses, and Dr. Laura explains the difference between a toxic boss and a difficult boss and what that difference matters!
Difficult Boss or Toxic Boss?
Michael Kerr: Hey everyone. Michael Kerr here with another five minutes with, in this case, Dr. Laura. Dr. Laura is a workplace psychologist, an author, a speaker. Laura, thanks for joining us on Five Minutes With. I want to ask you about something that you talk a lot about, the difference between toxic bosses, toxic leaders and difficult leaders. What is that distinction and why does it matter?
Dr. Laura: The distinction is huge and I call them toxic bosses, not leaders because a true leader, as Michael Kerr well knows, brings out the best in people while a toxic boss depletes and degrades them. But in my research over the past few years, I’ve really come to learn that difficult versus toxic boss is different and too many people mix those up. And that’s a problem because if you find yourself reporting to a difficult boss, you can learn to work with them. You can learn to manage them. They won’t derail your career and they won’t harm your physical, mental, and emotional health.
A toxic boss will do all of those things. A toxic boss gets worse over time. Their behaviors are much like an abusive, romantic relationship where it starts out with a honeymoon phase typically, and then it gets worse and worse. And you try, you try everything to impress that boss. You think you can make it work. You’re a high achiever, you’re a hard worker, but it only gets worse over time. And a toxic boss will not improve. Their ego is too big and their self-insight is too low. They often have deep rooted traumas. So in order to heal them, it would take massive intervention, not a leadership coach, not a leadership development course. A difficult boss, they can learn to develop. They can become a better boss. They don’t mean to cause harm. They are difficult, challenging, frustrating, but they don’t do it intentionally. And they CAN grow!
Michael Kerr: Okay. So they can be coached a difficult boss, hopefully. And I love that you made that distinction. By definition, you can’t call yourself a leader if you are toxic. That’s a really good point. No. No. And I think, do you find this, do a lot of people working with a toxic boss, do you think a lot of them are just fooling themselves into thinking that they’re going to change? Like one day they’ll change or they’ll get better, or maybe I can change them. I’ll be a positive influence on them.
Dr. Laura: Oh yeah. And in my upcoming book, so it launches, it’ll be out January 13th. I wish I’d quit sooner. Practical strategies for navigating and escaping a toxic boss. I talk about that. A lot of people, at first, they try everything to make it work. And then it slowly erodes their confidence and sometimes quickly erodes their confidence while being productivity and eventually your performance. And it’s really quite brutal what’s happening with these toxic bosses. And it’s why I’m shining a light on the harmful behaviors because if we can shine a light on them and name the behaviors, then we can expose these toxic bosses and disarm them.
Michael Kerr: Right. Okay. So two questions. How do you disarm them? And what do I do if I’m working in a workplace where my boss is toxic? What piece of advice do you have for me?
Dr. Laura: Wow. If it’s truly a toxic boss versus a difficult boss, and my book gets at the difference. And my book gets at, if you’re dealing with a toxic boss, there are eight personas of a toxic boss and there’s checklists for what you’re dealing with. And oftentimes it’s more than one of these. And with a toxic boss, you have six choices ahead of you. And one of them is to quit. But oftentimes people feel trapped in a cage, like on the cover of my book, they feel trapped, financially trapped, and they can’t get out. And if they report it to HR, they’re going to ruin their career. They’ll be fired. So it’s these types of fears. So the answer to that question is an answer of, it’s a process. It’s a process of exploring what you’re going through, figuring out what your options are out of those six, and then getting back into the driver’s seat of your own career.
Michael Kerr: Right. Okay. And then what if we are, and I’m sure a lot of people do have somewhat difficult bosses. I hear that. A lot, right? You hear it all the time, I’m sure. So what’s just one piece of advice? As we wind down here, we’ve got 30 seconds left on the clock. One piece of advice that could help somebody deal with a difficult boss or manage a difficult boss.
Dr. Laura: Manage a difficult boss. You have to get to know how to work with them, how to make them look good, how you can help them. You have to just ask the question, “How can I help you? What can I do for you? ” And really try to work with them and develop a relationship of trust with them and realize that they’re flawed human beings. I mean, all of us are flawed in certain ways and they have their flaws.
Michael Kerr: And they have their flaws. And there’s the exit music. Thank you, Dr. Laura. So learn to work with your boss. Ask them what you can do for them. How can you help them? Thank you so much, Dr. Laura.
Dr. Laura: You are welcome, Michael Kerr.
For more on this topic, and how there’s a difference between being kind and being nice as a boss, read: Workplace Culture Leadership: It’s About Being Compassionate and Kind
Michael Kerr is a Canadian Hall of Fame speaker who is known as one of North America’s top thought leaders on workplace culture and workplace culture leadership. Michael has spoken to thousands of audiences worldwide on the topic of workplace culture, culture leadership, and humor in the workplace. Michael Kerr is also the author of 9 books, including “The Jerk-Free Workplace” “The Humor Advantage,” and “Small Moments, Big Outcomes: How Leaders Create Cultures That Fuel Extraordinary Results.” Known as “The Workplace Energizer!” keynote speaker Michael Kerr has spoken in more than 15 countries to over 1,500 audiences. “Michael was the hit of the conference and the highest-rated speaker.!’ Karen Bossin, Shopper Drug Mart
